


Well, Fuck.

by Crowleyskitten



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, EXPLICIT SELF HARM, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, very slow updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-07-11 03:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15963497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowleyskitten/pseuds/Crowleyskitten
Summary: a spiderman x self harm reader fic I wrote for my friend. DONT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED!!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DONT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED! I wrote this for a friend so don't hate me.

“I give up. I can’t do this anymore. Screw this.” I whisper to myself, making another deep slash on my thigh, watching the blood pool and drip down my leg before I wipe it off with a towel. I don’t even feel the pain anymore. It feels muted, like everything else in my life. 

Being Tony Stark’s daughter was horrible. Especially since I wasn’t nearly as smart as him or skinny and beautiful like his fiancé, Pepper. I was fat, ugly, stupid, broken, and scarred. I know that not even my soulmate would want me, when ever I meet them. 

I looked down at the timer on my wrist. 27:03:38. 27 more hours until I met them. 

I continued to cut, not paying attention to the towel now saturated in my blood. I looked down at my work, sickly proud of it as it’s nothing less than I deserve. 

It’s pathetic really, how your mind can turn on you so quickly and leave you doing anything to take the pain away. At least, that’s how it is for me. I started to feel dizzy, and tried to stand up to wash the remaining blood off my leg, but I fall down, hitting my head on the side of the bathtub. 

Then, Darkness.   
——  
They say you meet your soulmate when the timer on your wrist reaches zero.  
I used to dream about my soulmate. What they were like, how we’d grow old together, a true happily ever after. 

What a fool I was.   
—-  
I awake to the sound of a heart monitor and I realise where I am. The medical wing of Avengers tower. Shit. 

I open my eyes, and it hits me, the timer! Frantically, I look down at it, and read what it says. 

00:03:27

3 minutes! I’ve been out for over 27 hours?! Shit, shit, shit! I think back to the last thing I was doing, and freeze. I must have lost too much blood. 

I hear voices coming from down the hallway, my father’s and a unknown male voice. 

00:00:30

Fuck! My soulmate must be the other voice. This is not how I wanted to meet them. 

As the voices get closer, I can make out what they are saying. “Look Peter, I’ll talk to you later!” My dad’s frustrated voice exclaims. “My daughter is in there after trying to kill herself! I have more important things to do than work on your suit right now!”

“I’m so sorry, mr. Stark. Yeah, I’ll just, um, go then.” Peter says in embarrassment. I can see them through the sliding glass doors but I can’t see Peter’s face. 

00:00:01

He looks up, glancing at me, and our eyes lock. He gasps at the same time I do, both of us grabbing our wrists with the timers on them as the numbers fade completely. 

00:00:00

Well, fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the song I was listening to as I wrote this is “zombie” by the cranberries. Check the song out, it’s great!

“Oh my god what was that?!” My dad yelled in shock, seeing what happened. Peter continued to stare at me in shock and what I assume is horror. Horror at me being his soulmate probably, I think to myself. 

Tony runs into the room, Peter right behind him. “You two...you’re soulmates?!” He exclaimed. 

I flinch and look down at my hands. This couldn’t have gone worse.

“....wait, my soulmate tried to kill herself?!” Peter finally speaks. 

Again I flinch harshly, wanting to run from the room and cry or go cut but I can’t cuz I’m stuck in this damn hospital bed!

Fuck. 

“Peter! Leave!” My dad barks at him, and Peter practically scrambles to escape the room. 

“...oh my god, of course you two are soulmates!” Dad snarks. Frowning, he looks at me. “Wanna explain what the hell you were doing when I found you unconscious in your bathroom?” 

“....I ...I was...” I stutter, terrified and embarrassed. 

“No, don’t bother. I found you covered in blood! Do you know how terrifying that is?”   
Before I can think about what I’m saying it comes out of my mouth. “Do you know how terrifying it is to want to die constantly?” I immediately slap my hand over my mouth in horror. 

...fuck!

“What?! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Tony yells. 

“Tell you? You’re too busy to care! Ever since my mum dropped me off here, you’ve spent maybe 20 minutes a week with me! you’re never there!” I can’t stop. It all comes pouring out from me, everything I’ve kept hidden. “I hate myself! I hate how I’m an idiot compared to you. How I’m fat and ugly and broken and scarred! Not even my soulmate wants me! I want to die! It would be better if I just died...” I yell, finally breaking down. 

Tony stares in shock. 

“No it wouldn’t! You are loved! People would miss you. I would miss you!” Another voice exclaims from the doorway. Peter. 

Dad turns to Peter, angry at the interruption. “Didn’t I tell you to leave?”

“You would miss me? You never met me until now!” I practically screamed.”And you, you aren’t ever there! For half my time here I thought you hated me, but I found out that since I’m not a mega genius or a superhero that I’m simply not important! Nobody cares! I hate myself, And I keep waiting for someone to figure that out, and they don’t! I mean.. of course they don’t, cause as long as I say the right thing and act the right way, you're happy!” I turn back to Tony to yell. 

Silence except for my cries and I sob into my hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll be updating next, cuz I'm still writing the next chapter. Sorry guys.


	3. Chapter 3

“Kiddo.... you know that’s not true!” Tony said, heartbroken at the sight of his daughter crying. He thought back to all the moments he’s spent with her, and to his disappointment, she was absolutely correct. 

He barely spent more than a few minutes with her every day. And when he did, he was usually busy doing something else and didn’t give her the proper attention she deserved. 

“What does it matter? You’re probably just gonna lock me up in a mental hospital so I’m not an embarrassment to you!” You say, tears having finally stopped and left you feeling numb. 

“He wouldn’t! Mr. Stark is great!” Peter exclaimed, trying to be helpful and failing, judging by the look you gave him. 

“You’ve known him for how long exactly? No offence but why are you still here?” You ask, voice flat and emotionless. 

Peter flinches. “Because you’re my soulmate and I care about you!” He says. 

“Kid, give us a moment.” Tony says, shooing Peter out of the room. 

“First off, I’m not going to send you away. Secondly, you’re my kid and I care about you and-“ you cut him off with a laugh that’s half laugh, half sob. 

“Since Fucking when?” You exclaim. 

“Since the first day I saw you! I knew you were my kid and I haven’t done right by you and that’s wrong of me but you’re still my kid. Give me a chance.” 

You pause, frowning. In your head you think, ‘does he really deserve one?’ 

You open your mouth to reply but are cut off by FRIDAY’s red alert for the Avengers to assemble.


	4. Chapter 4

You sigh deeply as Tony stares at you worriedly. “Go. Your people need you.” You say, trying to crack a smile and failing horribly if your dad’s face was anything to go by. 

“Peter, can you stay with her?“ he asks, turning to your soulmate who had walked back into the room, and is frowning at Tony. 

“Sir the team has issued a red alert” FRIDAY states, somehow sounding worried. 

Tony turns to you again. “You’ll be ok?” He asks

“Just go.” You whisper, feeling tired in your bones. You see Peter frowning at Tony, as he bolts out the med-bay door, leaving you alone with your soulmate. 

‘Well, fuck.’ You think to yourself, trying to think of something to say to him, when he walks over and sits at the corner of your hospital bed, careful not to jostle you. 

“I can’t believe he left!” Peter says, sounding shocked and disappointed. 

Feeling exhausted, you don’t have the energy to even roll your eyes, let alone think about how, yet again, Tony chose his job over you. Seriously, it’s not like you did any of this for attention, but it’s pathetic how, even when you’re in the hospital, he still chose to leave. 

Gently, Peter takes your hand in his, surprising you as you didint think he’d stay. “I’m sorry he chose to leave. But is it ok if I stay? Not because he told me to, but because I want to? I want to get to know you, if that’s alright?” He mumbles, red painting his cheeks. 

Privately, in your mind you think he looks cute, but refrain from saying that embarrassing thought out loud. 

“I guess. But if I fall asleep, it’s not my fault.” You say, trying to somehow lighten the mood.

“Oh! What about a game of 20 questions?” Peter exclaims, bouncing on the bed a little. His smile is contagious, as you feel yourself grinning along with him. 

You move to reach out to him, and gasp at the pain of your stinging cuts. You had forgotten about why you were in the hospital. 

You feel yourself tear up a little, but refuse to let the tears fall. They fall anyway. 

Suddenly you feel a hand gently wipe your tears from your cheeks, it’s such a gentle, sweet gesture that you gasp. 

“Crap! I’m sorry! Did I hurt you, angel?” Peter exclaims, pulling back a little before you grab his hand, holding it to your face gently. 

You both gasp at the skin to skin contact. 

“...I’m sorry...I don’t know why I did that!” You mumble, confused at your actions. Half an hour ago you yelled at him, and suddenly now you don’t want him to leave? You liked him calling you Angel. 

He smiles at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling, and you can’t help but feel at peace. Something you haven’t felt in years. 

“I...I’m fine.” You say, answering his earlier question. “But yeah, 20 questions sounds fun.” You say, dropping his hand. He gently takes your hand in his again, laying them in your lap, careful of your bandages. 

“Ok, angel, so who goes first?” He whispers, and him rubbing his thumb over your palm is distracting you so much you barely hear his question. 

He chuckles, seeing you so entranced by him holding your hand, and says “might as well let me go first, angel. You seem a bit distracted. “

You snap out of your haze, a furious blush heating your cheeks. 

“Ready?” He asks, and you nod. “Ok, where were you born?” He asks. 

“London, actually. My mum was a journalist who flew over here for a story on Stark industries in 1996. Tony slept with her, this was before he knew pepper, and in 1997, I was born.” You say. It’s hard, talking about your mum as the moment she could, she dropped you off at Stark tower and you never heard from her again. 

“That’s brilliant! I’ve never been to London! How long did you live there?” He asks in an excited rush, causing you to picture a excited puppy for some reason. 

“It’s my turn now!” You joke, and he chuckles and motions with his free hand for you to continue. “Who is your favourite Band?” 

“Hands down, Mayday Parade.” He replies, smiling at you. 

“I love them!” You say, feeling happy for once. 

You click, like two missing pieces of the same puzzle. You haven’t felt this happy in years. The questions continue for another 35 minutes before your yawning is noticed by Peter. 

“Come on, angel, you should get some sleep. You’re still healing.” Peter says, going to move off the bed and let go of your hand. For some reason that scares you, and before you think, you’re blurting out, “stay with me?”

Peter doesn’t hesitate when he sees the fear in his soulmate’s eyes. He nods and tells you to budge up. Careful of your injuries, you move to give him space on the hospital bed. 

“Of course, angel.” 

The two of you get comfortable, and you wind up, because of the small size of the bed, laying on his chest. 

“Comfy?” He asks softly. But you’re already asleep, your hand still in peter’s.


	5. Chapter 5

Hours later, you blearily open your eyes, feeling a weight on your waist. It was Peter’s arm, and although the way you met him wasn’t good, you ARE glad he cared enough to stay with you through the night. 

“Pete.” You whisper, trying to gently wake him so you could use the bathroom. “Peter!” You say more sternly as he wraps his arm around you tighter, pulling you closer to his warm, toned, bare chest. 

Wait, bare?! ‘Well, fuck.’ You think to yourself as you try not to think about his naked, ripped chest. 

“Mmh.” Peter mumbles in his sleep, “angel...” he whispers, voice deep and rough with sleep. 

“Peter, I need to move- ouch!” You yelp as Peter rubs against your bandaged arm, waking Peter from his sleep.

“Shit, angel, sorry!” He, too, yelps, rolling away from you and falling off the hospital bed and onto the floor. 

The pain having passed for the moment, you giggle as Peter pops up from the floor, hair tousled in a very cute way. 

“Are you ok, babe?!” Peter exclaims, running a hand through his hair, messing it up worse. 

You snort, and then to your surprise, you start laughing, a full belly laugh like you haven’t laughed in years. 

Peter stares at you for a moment in shock before laughing too. The two soulmates share a moment of genuine happiness before your father bursts into the room, a cut on his forehead still bleeding and part of his Ironman suit still on.


End file.
